The holiday season is a time filled with joy, celebration, and connection—or at least, that’s the goal. In reality, it often ends up a whirlwind of stress, endless to-do lists, and pressured expectations. For many couples, the busyness of the season can push their relationship to the bottom of the priority list and lead to conflict and painful disconnection.
It doesn’t have to be this way. With intentionality and a few simple strategies, the holidays can be an opportunity to strengthen your connection rather than strain it. Here are three key approaches to help you and your partner navigate the season with closeness, care, and collaboration.
1. Get Curious About the Holidays Together
Every individual experiences the holidays differently. What excites one person may overwhelm another. The first step to staying connected as a couple is to get curious about what this season means to each of you.
Set aside some time to ask each other:
What would make this holiday season truly special for you?
What are the most stressful aspects of the holidays for you?
Maybe your partner loves decorating the house but dreads the stress of family gatherings. Maybe they’re excited about holiday music and gift-giving but feel overwhelmed by hosting a big dinner with your racist uncle Bob. By understanding what brings joy and what causes stress for your partner, you can approach the season as a team, proactively working to enhance the good and minimize the bad.
This step is critical because it shifts the focus from assumptions to real understanding. Instead of guessing what your partner needs, you’re opening the door to honest, meaningful conversations. That curiosity sets the tone for collaboration and connection throughout the season. Losing the habitual assumptions that our partner is “being difficult,” and creating connection through the information about what is happening for our partner in that difficult moment for them helps us access compassion and care for one another.
2. Create a Plan to Support Each Other
Once you know what’s most important—and most stressful—for each of you, the next step is to create a plan. This doesn’t have to be a rigid schedule but rather a shared understanding of how you’ll support one another.
For example:
If your partner finds holiday parties stressful, agree on an exit plan before you go. Let them know you’ll be there to support them, even if it means leaving early, even when you’d rather stay.
If decorating is their favorite part of the season, carve out time to help them make it magical. Be an active participant in their joy and amplify the experience together.
If the sheer amount of tasks and errands feels overwhelming, divide responsibilities in a way that feels fair and manageable for both of you.
The goal is to approach the holidays as a team, with each person feeling supported and cared for. When you’re intentional about how you’ll handle challenges and amplify each other’s happiness, the stress of the season feels lighter—and the joy feels bigger.
3. Prioritize Connection Over Everything Else
Amid the busyness of the holidays, it’s easy for your relationship to take a back seat. The focus shifts to making everything perfect—cleaning the house, finding the ideal gifts, preparing meals, and ensuring everyone else is happy. But when the relationship gets pushed to the bottom of the list, both partners can feel disconnected and unimportant.
This season, make a conscious decision to prioritize connection.
Here’s how:
Start the day with connection. Hug each other before tackling the mess or diving into tasks. A 10-second hug can lower stress and remind you both that you’re in this together.
Express gratitude. Take a moment before starting your to-do list to thank each other. Gratitude can be as simple as saying, “Thank you for helping me get through today” or “I’m so glad I get to spend this holiday with you.”
Focus on the meaning of the holidays for your relationship. Talk about what this time of year represents for each of you and how you want to honor that meaning together.
The key is to remember that the tasks, gifts, and appearances are secondary to the real heart of the holidays: your connection. When you put each other first, the season becomes less about perfection and more about being there with each other.
Why Connection Matters More Than Perfection
One of the most common holiday traps is trying to make everything perfect for everyone else—whether it’s your kids, your extended family, or even your social media feed. The irony is that in striving for perfection, we often miss the real joy of the season.
When your relationship becomes the foundation of the holiday, everything else falls into place. You approach the chaos with teamwork and humor instead of frustration. You celebrate the wins (like finding the perfect gift) and navigate the stresses (like irritating relatives) with grace.
Prioritizing your relationship doesn’t mean ignoring responsibilities or avoiding traditions. It simply means keeping your connection at the center. Whether it’s a quiet cup of coffee together before the day begins or a quick dance in the kitchen to holiday music, these moments of connection anchor you both.
A Holiday Season to Remember
The holidays are a time of reflection, celebration, and renewal. By getting curious about what matters most to each of you, creating a plan to support one another, and prioritizing your connection above all else, you can create a shared experience that helps you through the hard parts.
Instead of letting the busyness pull you apart, use it as an opportunity to grow closer. Small, intentional actions can make a big difference, not only in how you experience the holidays but in how you build your relationship for the year ahead.
So this holiday season, take a moment to pause, connect, and ask yourself: What’s truly most important? The answer, if you’re intentional, will always lead you back to each other.
Want to learn more? Grab a copy of Fire It Up: Four Secrets to Reigniting Intimacy and Joy in Your Relationship. Grab a copy here or whereever you buy your books!
And join the Fire It Up Marriage Accelerator for the ultimate boost of health for your relationship, with a new cohort starting January 13. Reach out to me for a special reader discount!
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